Languages of Love

Communicating Love and Appreciation in Relationships

Language barriers: they aren’t just an obstacle among strangers, but can block the roads to those closest to us as well. This especially applies to romance languages. No, I don’t mean French or Italian. I am talking about the ways in which we communicate care and consideration.

Just as there are many languages of the world, each person has a different way of expressing love and appreciation. Deciphering another’s love language (and determining your own) can strengthen and enhance relationships with friends, family, and romantic partners.

Words of Affirmation – Compliments, encouraging words, and terms of endearment have an amazing power to uplift us. Never underestimate the effects of a genuine “Thank you,” or “I love you.” When our loads get heavy (and they always do), encouragement can make all the difference!

Quality Time – “How was your day?” Take time to understand what is happening in the lives of those you care about. From daily news to the hopes and dreams of the future, sharing the details of your world is a wonderful way to connect. When people get comfortable in their relationships, quality one-on-one time may get pushed to the back burner. Spend some time focused on the other person or perform an activity both enjoy, rather than doing different things in the same room.

Receiving Gifts/Tokens – I’m not talking about fancy jewelry and expensive underwear. Think back to elementary school: children bestow drawings, flowers, or even small insects to show that they are thinking of you. Many cultures demonstrate love with copious amounts of home-cooked food, regardless of whether or not you’re already stuffed. It just goes to show that it really is the thought that counts; simple hand-crafted gestures can be the most meaningful.

Acts of Service – This may sound like work, but everyone is capable of doing something nice for another person. It can be as simple as packing a lunch, taking out the trash, or helping with a task. For example, when my partner assisted me with the daunting work of job hunting, it sent a clear message of, “I want to make your life easier.” I was able to directly experience his love and support through his efforts to help.

Physical Touch – There’s something comforting in tactile connection with another person. Nothing soothes a bad day like a hug from a friend or family member, holding hands on a walk, or sex with a trusted partner. Since not all touch is created equal, find out what your loved one wants from you.

While our families and upbringing may determine our primary love language, every relationship will benefit from continued learning. Increase your fluency in multiple love languages! Think about the ways you show affection and appreciation, and how you most clearly receive these messages from others. Unlike French or Italian, the languages of love are easy to learn. As you expand your love vocabulary, communicating loud and clear, satisfaction will grow too.

Information taken from a graduate student workshop “Communicating Love and
Appreciation in Relationships” led by Dr. Tiffany O’Meara, and loosely
based off of the book, The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman.