Wellness Journalism: Rare Footage

There is a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path. We are charged with deciding where to put our feet…and there are many challenges to meet when it comes to making both small and large choices during the day. When we know we want to create positive change and yet find that something—inertia, perhaps—seems to keep us trodding the same beaten trails, it can feel as though real change is out of reach.

I know that caffeine, processed sugar, and alcohol are toxic for my body. I know that eating that third helping of mashed potatoes is going to make me too full, and too tired to function effectively after dinner. Where is the disconnection between my head and my feet (and hands)? I find that I go through cycles: healthy eating punctuated by a few days of debauchery, weeks without caffeine followed by indulged coffee cravings, months without drinking and then an entire bottle of wine down the hatch. I push for sustainable change, and then find myself swinging back into old patterns.

Thich Nhat Hanh calls this “habit energy.” In his book of Zen teachings, Be Free Where You Are, he writes:

"Every one of us has habit energies that push us to say and do things we don’t want to say or do. These habit energies damage us and our relationships to other people. Intellectually we know that saying or doing a certain thing will cause a lot of suffering, and yet we still say or do it. And once you say or do something, the damage is done. Then you regret it. You say, “I am not going to say or do that thing again.” But though you say this with sincerity, the next time the situation presents itself, you say or do the same thing. This is the power of habit energy.”

Whether we suffer from repeated relationship dramas, unhealthy eating and/or drinking patterns, or other compulsive behaviors, Thich Nhat Hanh recommends the following: when habit energy rears its gnarled head, recognize it, smile at it, and let it be. There is no need to fight or judge OR indulge; the simple act of mindful acknowledgment is enough to knock it off center stage. Say, “Hello, there, habit energy. I hear you, but you are not the boss of me,” with absolute confidence and deep, loving breaths.

At first I thought this sounded overly simplistic. But as I work with mindful awareness and breathing, I find that my own voice—that which represents the change I want to see—becomes stronger, and the habit energy becomes weaker. It’s like developing new muscle memory. Even my slip-ups don’t have the staying power they used to; I find that I regain my footing much more quickly, and with less energy wasted on self-criticism. And, when I look back, I find that I’ve come a long way forward.

Wellness Journalism: Independence Day

On the 4th of July, I accompanied a friend to a musical jam session in a beautiful backyard overlooking San Diego. Cupcakes and fireworks aside, something happened that had a great impact on my perception of freedom.

The musicians gathered were among some of the more established local talent, and they rocked. One drummer in a Hawaiian shirt and cowboy hat was very smooth and skillful; I learned he had been a close associate of Buddy Miles. A long-haired bass player had fingers made, apparently, of the same material as Gumby. Then there was a sultry blonde vocalist whose blues gave me the chills.

It wasn’t long before I noticed a woman flitting about the party in a world of her own. She was bone thin in a denim shirt about seven sizes too big, a woolen beenie over her head, and thick glasses that covered most of her face. While the band played, she danced wildly in the grass. Between sets she sauntered up to the microphone and sang something garbled, then said, “Yay, me!” The other guests in attendance more or less ignored her, although there were a few chuckles.

At one point the drummer in the Hawaiian shirt came up to The Loon (as I had begun to think of her), put his arm around her shoulder, and offered an explanation about her being his wife. When people laughed I assumed he was making one of those flippant jokes that helps make an awkward situation more comfortable, at the expense of the individual responsible for the awkwardness.

Soon, The Loon was frolicking again, arms and legs thrusting and punching as she surrendered to her own internal momentum. She created quite a contrast to everybody else at the party, who stood drinking their drinks and eating their eats and making small talk. I made an admiring comment to my friend that, quite appropriately, The Loon was celebrating her independence.

Then my friend told me she really was the wife of the drummer, the accomplished professional musician who had recorded with Buddy Miles and had the confident demeanor that people asire to. And here was this woman who looked exactly like an escaped lunatic, which people tend to avoid. The fact that they were husband and wife blew me away—but in that moment, it was my own surprise that surprised me the most.

I realized that celebrating freedom from the British stands pale in comparison to celebrating freedom from our own criticisms, judgments, and standards of normalcy. We think we are free, standing around a lovely backyard, enjoying our three-bean salad. But freedom is a matter of perception, and this evening reminded me that I was bound to an assumption of what is socially desirable. The truth, in fact, is that I wished I was dancing in the grass too. So I did.

We are as free as we set ourselves.

Wellness Journalism: What To Do?

Every summer break (or winter break, or spring break, for that matter) I get excited about all of the projects I can accomplish with my free time: re-organzing my living room, writing a manuscript, planting a garden, teaching my 5-year old to read at a 5th grade level, researching graduate schools…

…and then, before I know it, I am wondering where the time has gone. How it can be that I don’t seem to have gotten anything done?

If this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing “Temporal Obselescene in Determination of Objectives” (TODO). My To-Do List hangs on my wall in innocent expectation, quietly awaiting fulfillment, while I bounce off to run errands or meet friends or do laundry.

Some things happen in time and some things happen out of time. Let me explain.

The projects I get excited about require a certain creative energy. If I am not cultivating this specific energy, these projects will not get done. Simply making time for them isnt enough. I have to be in the right frame of mind—otherwise, I will find that I am busy doing something else.

How, then, to shift gears? One approach I am taking is to change my routine and shock my system, so to speak. Every morning when I wake up, instead of stumbling into the kitchen for a bowl of cereal, I stumble to my desk. I choose one task related to my goals, and make it a priority. I schedule my day around IT, rather than trying to fit IT into my day. I then visualize it, nurture it, feed it with my intentions and energy, do rituals and prayers and voodoo and anything else that focuses my attention on the task in new and unusual ways. I talk about it, think about it, dream about it. I make it the apple of my eye. Then comes the tricky part: I let it go. I surrender to the flow of what comes that day, trusting that it will unfold according to a master plan. I realize that the expectation of doing actually prevents being (which yields happening). Then, at the right moment, I discover the impulse—the magic mind frame—and I find that the goal is achieved almost effortlessly. It comes about in a natural sort of way, nothing like the feeling of contrivance that lingered before.

Go ahead, try it! You have nothing to lose…not even time.