First there’s Good Ol’ Mum or Dad, maybe some brothers and sisters. In spite of (considerable) dysfunction, you do your best to keep things positive and love them unconditionally. After all, they’re family… they’re part of who you are…and they’re not going anywhere.
Then you venture out into the world at large, and find love under a rock or behind a 7-11 or sitting next to you in Calculus. Here’s where it gets a bit trickier. This love is not mandated, not a given in the equation like the love of folks at home. This love is a variable. It’s a force that can lift you up or just as quickly evaporate from under your feet; as Ben Harper sings, “When it’s good it’s oh-so-good, but when it’s gone it’s gone.”
Indeed, when things are peachy with Significant Other, life is good. It’s when these feelings of love are threatened that the world seems to shrink-- entire theories of happiness hanging in the balance of a single transaction: The Break-Up.
Sometimes keeping a positive relationship with a loved one means letting her/him go.
Keeping positive does not mean that things never get difficult. It means that when they do (and they inevitably do), you take a positive approach to the situation. “A Course in Miracles” teaches that nothing real can be threatened. If a relationship is not serving you, is not healthy—is not, in fact, REAL—then breaking up is more positive than staying together. If however, the relationship is serving your highest and best interest, difficulties will strengthen both communication and commitment. The key is to be honest about how you are feeling. If something is bothering you to the point that the words “Break-Up” have formed in your mind, it is time to have a conversation. Spill the beans and let them lie where they may. Love is being yourself: when something is knocking at the door of your heart, open up!
Social Wellness creates balance. In balance, you aren’t relying on one person for all of your love. With friends and family to help ground and support you, a transition from “coupledom” to “autonomy” can be filled with the joy of self-discovery.
If you’re at a breaking point, keep the following ideas in mind…
- Growing pains are par for the course.
- Write your stream-of-consciousness. Let your voice pour onto the page, unfiltered. There are truths that no amount of thinking or talking can express, but the written word will capture.
- You have the resources to address any situation--don't be afraid to ask for help.
- Honor your feelings!
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